Consequences Of Sex Before Marriage (Part One)
Why Your Sex Drive Is A Blessing
You are thinking, “Okay, I agree that sex in marriage sounds great and I believe that sexual sin leads to death. But none of this deals with my raging sex desire right now! Did God make me like this just to torment me? No, He did not. Even though our sexual desire can seem like a curse, and even though we have to restrain it for our own good, we need to keep in mind that these desires are natural, God given and wonderful. In fact, they are a blessing even when we cannot satisfy them.
If God had made sex so undesirable that we were never tempted to steal it before marriage, it wouldn’t be much of a gift, would it? Every time we long for sexual intimacy before marriage, we should quickly thank God for making us sexual beings and for making sex so desirable. Hebrews 13: 4 says “marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled, but whoremongers and adulterers God will Judge.” And not only did God make sex good, but He also increased our enjoyments by reserving it for marriage. If we did not have to wait for it there would be no anticipation, no build up, no excitement.
There is a story of a boy who wished that every day would be Christmas. God granted his wish. For a while, it was paradise – every morning he dashed downstairs to newly stuffed stockings and dozens of presents under the tree. But in a very short time, the celebration lost its joy. There was no longer anything special about it. He began to hate the presents. He had thought that he would find happiness in boundless Christmases but instead he spoiled the holiday of its meaning and pleasure.
Couples who impatiently and greedily take sex outside the boundaries of marriage do the same thing. It is like Christmas every day. The act loses its beauty and uniqueness. They end up cheating themselves out of sex at its best.
Why does God ask single Christians to face the daily struggle of controlling their sexual appetites until marriage? One answer is that He is committed to great sex! Many newlyweds are bored with sex, since they did not wait. While many sexually promiscuous couple greets the marriage bed with a yawn, the chaste fall into it with cries of delight. There is another reason why the struggle of waiting for marriage is a blessing. God not only wants to maximize a couple’s enjoyment of sex in marriage. He also wants them to learn to trust Him together. When a Christian man and a Christian woman deny their own physical desire as an expression of mutual faith and obedience to God, they are laying a solid spiritual foundation for their marriage. They are learning to fight sin as a team. They are learning to care for each other, pray for each other and challenge each other. In the most practical of ways they are submitting to God as their lord of their relationship.
Chastity Is A Blessing
For from being a curse, God’s call to chastity is a blessing. Of course it rarely feels like one, and when we are in the thick of it, it is never easy. That is why it is so important that we have a clear game plan for our physical relationship. We need principles that will help our hearts and actions to move the same way with Gods plan. Our goal is to be captivated by God’s plan for pure sex. The motive for our self – control and restraint is not asceticism or religions piety, but joy, true pleasure and God’s glory.
Dating (Courtship) Principles
- During courtship guarding each other’s purity and refraining from sexual intimacy are the acts of lovemaking
- Christian man and woman in love have to redefine what true lovemaking is before they are married. They have to agree that sexual intimacy before marriage is most unloving. They have to renew their thinking so that they both see that not violating their future marriage bed is a true expression of love.
Do you want to be romantic with the person you are courting? Do you want to demonstrate your passion for them with more than words? Then guard against sin, fight lust, and refuse to arouse them sexually- this is the only God – sanctioned form of lovemaking in courtship and engagement. Before marriage, two friends who are not yet lovers can prove their love by laying down their own sexual desires and protecting each other’s purity.
Equating sex with love,
Love and sex are not the same. You can have sex with a person you don’t love. You can also love a person without having sex with him or her. Love is spiritual but sex is physical. It is important to marry a person who really loves you. I don’t mean just physical attraction. One who is truly willing to pass through the good and bad times with you is the real lover, who is ready to share your joys and sorrows, who will sit beside your sick bed and nurse you to health, he or she is the real lover.
It is important in your relationship that neither of you try to test each other’s convictions or tempt the other person to violate his or her standards.
To be continued…
Rose Corner
…with Rose Hansey
